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(align:"=><=")[''Going Home'']
Elizabeth lets out a sigh of relief as John and Ronon come around the corner into the Jumper, both intact, and clutching the ZPM. Against all odds, they did it.
John wants to waste no time in getting out of there, obviously, but Rodney intersects, “Wait a minute. We can’t go.”
Elizabeth frowns and listens with increased interest as Rodney tells the team about what he just found in the replicator base code—the command for the Replicators to attack the Wraith. “Can you reactivate it?” she asks.
“Yes ... but there's a problem. Look, I can reprogramme the nanites in your brain and use that link to upload the changes, but we'll need to wait for the next merge to affect all the Replicators at once, and we have no idea when that could be. Not only that, but the instant it happens, they'll know you're there. They'll take immediate steps to assimilate you.” As always, things don’t come easy in the Pegasus galaxy. Rodney knows there is no other way – is there? If only they could circumvent the nanites’ merging…
“Then we're not doing it,” John is already saying sharply.
“John, you know what this could mean. If the Replicators go to war with the Wraith...” Elizabeth doesn’t even want to think about what this would mean for her, the memories of the last time nanites tried to take over her brain still fresh. But still. This feels like it is worth it.
“Forget about it. It's not happening.”
“That's not your call,” Elizabeth insists. Surely, John must know what this could mean!
But with her brain infested by nanites, John knows he’s first in command now. “The hell it isn't!” He proceeds to sit down in the pilot chair.
Before a real argument can break out between the two of them, Rodney has an idea, “Whoa-whoa-whoa. Hang on. There may be another way. There's a central data core – it's kind of like a back-up hard drive for all the Replicators. If I can upload the reactivated attack command directly into that, then we wouldn't need to use Elizabeth. We could be halfway back to Atlantis when the attack command takes effect at the next merge.”
Elizabeth's confidence rises at Rodney's explanation, only there is one “small problem”: The core is at the centre of the city, impossible to reach undetected.
John wants to come back another time, after they got the ZPM to Atlantis, but Rodney and Elisabeth don’t think they’ll get another chance like that. “Once they notice the ZPM is missing, they'll be able to trace the source of the infiltration. I will never get this kind of undetected access again,“ Elisabeth points out. Her new strange new digital sixth sense for spying on the Replicators is their only chance to get in and out of there alive.
How does John decide?
* It is way too risky -> [[they jump back to Atlantis->3. Straight back]]
* Rodney says he can create an anti-Replicator field and extend it to include the core room -> John agrees to [[infiltrate the core->5. Elizabeth vs Oberoth]]
* As they argue in the Jumper, [[the next Replicator Merge happens->6. Merge and Death]]
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"If we make ourselves known to the Replicators, they will immediately notice Elisabeth's nanites. Am I wrong?" Silence is enough for an answer. "If we don't make it back from this mission," John adds as a reminder, "Atlantis will have to be abandoned and our people will probably die. We've got what we came here for. We can't risk this."
He glances at Elizabeth, who, reluctantly, gives a short nod.
Rodney fumbles with connecting the ZPM for a short while, then they take off, the Replicators none the wiser.
As soon as they are in Hyperspace, Elizabeth feels the nanites disconnecting, her sense of the collective gone. She lets out a relieved breath.
"You okay?" John asks.
"I can't feel the nanites anymore," Elisabeth replies, then frowns. "Which means I don't feel what they're doing..."
"That's because they're doing absolutely nothing," Rodney assures her, "other than keeping your brain alive, that is. I promise, they can't take you over. Before activating your nanites, I made sure to repeatedly go over the programming– "
"You can't guarantee it's safe," Elisabeth interrupts Rodney. He doesn't hear anger or even any other emotion in her voice, it's just a statement.
(align:"=><=")[***]
Back in Atlantis, Elizabeth is under guard in the makeshift-operating-theater-made-quarantine room until things calm down and proper decisions can be made. If it's up to her, she won't leave this room anytime soon... or ever. Everyone else is busy saving the city, so she sits there, hoping that the Replicators really are unable to track her.
John manages to steer the city to a new planet, and she feels the not-so-soft landing rock her room. She's still glad Rodney takes the time to come by and inform her, "We've successfully landed the city. The ZPM is functioning; we seem to be out of the woods." Elisabeth nods with relief.
The greatest danger is over. Now, the biggest risk to Atlantis is Elisabeth herself.
She would be angry at Rodney, she muses, if not for the successful heist. Obviously, he didn't know how essential her nanites would be when he reactivated them. But now she felt grateful despite herself. Whatever risks the nanites posed, they had not just saved her life, but also Atlantis.
(align:"=><=")[***]
When John walks into the lab, Rodney is typing away at his laptop with a grim expression. He looks about as tired as John feels. He just stands there and watches his friend for a moment.
"What?" Rodney doesn't look away from his screen, doesn't falter in his typing rhythm.
John knows not to take Rodney's tone personally. "So, the Replicators haven't shown up, the city's landed safely, and we have air to breathe."
Rodney frowns. "Are you trying to be positive? Because it's not working for me and I'd rather be working on the moutain of problems that need my attention, like getting all our systems back online, reestablishing contact with Earth, coordinating the innumerable repairs, the nanite code, the—"
"Rodney," John interrupts, "I'm not in any type of mood to be able to cheer you up. I'm here to tell you that because the immediate threat by hostile aliens is over, there is no reason why I should be leading this city. You are next ranking civilian after Elizabeth—"
"Excuse me?!" Rodney's back straightens in an instant, his head now snapping sideways to look at John. He seems at a loss for words for a short moment, then blurts, "I don't have time for this."
John scratches the back of his head. "Maybe you can appoint Zelenka as provisional Head of Department." He sees Rodney open his mouth to complain in length about how nobody else would possibly be competent enough for his job and quickly continues, "or you can ask Teyla to run the city for you for now. But until we can report back to Earth you should be leader of this expedition, Rodney. At least officially."
"Fine. Okay, then." Without further comment, Rodney returns to his work. "Hm. Teyla, yes, good idea. Could you," he waves his hand into John's general direction, "relay affairs to her? I’ll update her when there’s something worth reporting here."
"Sure," John turns to leave.
"Oh, and John?" Rodney looks up at him, a hint of a smile on his face. "Thanks."
[[Continue->4. Quarantine]]
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Rodney is trying to prove—to the IAO, to himself and, most of all, to Elizabeth—that he has rendered the nanites harmless. No replication, no tracking, to connection to the Asuran collective. But as the days pass, John notices Rodney growing less patient and more tired, and knows it's not going very well.
Nanites are simply too good at adapting and reprogramming themselves, and there is nothing Rodney and his team of brilliant scientists can do about it. Rodney admits he has no idea how Elizabeth bypassed his original kill switch so quickly—though he assures them he’s installed a “new and better” version.
No matter what Rodney pretends to be confident about, active nanites remain a huge security risk. Each time John passes Rodney's lab, he hears the same argument. *There is no guarantee. There is no guarantee.* It repeats in his head like a mantra.
Rodney is secretly relieved his position as interim leader was short. It's kind of nice being the boss but juggling his group of scientists is actually enough for him. With Sam Carter as the new leader, things may be a little awkward, but he has no time to think about such things, anyway.
He’s busy trying to find a solution that will at least convince the IOA to release Elizabeth from isolation. The IOA has also forbidden her to return to the Milky Way and as long as her nanites are active, she cannot even touch anyone without risk of infection. The worst part is, Rodney thinks, that Elizabeth is glad about it, welcoming any restrictions they impose on her.
(align:"=><=")[***]
Elizabeth is on her second book that week when Sam comes in and settles down behind the plexiglas. Since Elizabeth started thinking about the isolation room as her new quarters, she feels a little more comfortable in there. There is no nice view but at least her personal belongings were brought in.
Sam is one of the people who visit quite often to keep Elizabeth in the loop, sometimes even to ask for her opinion. It's a nice gesture but Elizabeth knows that certain sensitive information is being kept from her (such as Atlantis' new location). Carter also tells her that in her spare time (and Elizabeth wonders when such a thing might happen) she plans to help Rodney and his team find a way to deactivate her nanites without damaging her brain.
Whenever there is time between missions, obligations and emergencies, people come to visit her. John gives her "War and Peace", saying that she'd make more use of it than him. Teyla joins for evening tea and meditation. Chuck comes to play cards. Major Lorne offers her his painting supplies, but Elizabeth quickly discovers she much prefers watching him as he brings life onto his canvas rather than trying to depict anything herself. Even Ronon comes quite often, though he doesn't have much to say. He sometimes sits down with John's guitar, practising.
Rodney comes the least. She suspects it's because he can't stand crushing any hope of progress every time he tells her they are no closer to getting the nanites out. Elizabeth doesn't think it is feasible. She never expected to get off the Asuran planet with her mind and body intact in the first place.
Weeks pass.
Elizabeth starts to go a little stir-crazy and begins to work out often. Reading remains her main activity. First books, then the Ancient Database. Her access is restricted, but she has time to catch up on all the translating she never got around to doing. As one of Atlantis' language experts, it’s something she enjoys contributing to.
John expects her to delve into intel on the Replicators, any research on nanotechnology etc. To his great annoyance, he discovers that most info on the Asurans isn't accessible with her restricted access. His next guess would be informations on ZPMs and where there might be more. But he is surprised to see Elizabeth mainly reading about Ascension. Which he finds strange, at first.
Then he notices a change, her becoming more and more pensive, spending a lot of time in meditation. Teyla’s visits are frequent, which John appreciates, but he feels like something is going on. Then it hits him and suddenly, John is sure of it: Elizabeth wants to ascend. And somehow, that makes him angry. Is she really just going to give up? Try to run from this situation?
(align:"=><=")[***]
Elizabeth is taken aback when John storms into her room.
“John, good to see you.”
He hadn’t visited in a while and she doesn’t blame him. As it turns out he has terrible bedside manners and doesn’t know what to say to cheer her up.
John takes a breath, crossing his arms. Something is clearly botherin him. “So… you’ve been meditating.”
“What else is there to do? I'm stuck here. Working on my relationship with myself and my emotions is very worthwhile, wouldn’t you agree?” With his accusatory tone, she feels like she has to defend herself.
“Of course,” John replies, “but that’s not the only reason.”
Elizabeth sighs at the hurt in his eyes. “No, it’s not.”
She doesn’t say it, so he has to. “You want to ascend.”
“I want to at least try.”
“Ascend, Elizabeth, that’s crazy!”
She feels annoyance rising inside her. “John, please! You know it's impossible to get the nanites out of me. And with them active, we can't keep this risk in check! You *knew* that when Rodney reactivated them. I knew that the moment I woke up after my head injury." Her voice turns softer. "There is no other way out of this.”
“But I’m…” John doesn’t even know what he was going to say before he trails off. “McKay might have another idea. He’s probably gonna be pissed that I told without him. He wants to propose that we put you in stasis.”
Elizabeth is so taken aback that she doesn’t say anything for a moment. When she replies her voice is even, but her narrowed eyes betray her annoyance. “And Rodney thinks he can solve this by buying more time? John, there is no way. This is Rodney’s arrogance thinking he can outsmart the nanites if only he gets a little more time. You know how things are around here. The next crisis will come, there will be no time to work on the nanite’s programming—“
“The Asurans are pretty much an existential threat. There will be no time to research their programming.”
Once again, her voice turns soft. “John. I do not want to stay frozen forever.”
“I know. Believe me, I get it. I don’t even know what to think about that idea myself. And I don’t have to. The decision is yours. Anyway, you can sleep over it, and Rodeny will come to talk to you tomorrow.”
Elizabeth doesn’t sleep that night, but Rodney comes the next day. He presents the idea so sincerely that she actually considers it. He is less angry than John the day before and less confident than she would hae expected. But Rodney honestly believes this is the best low-risk solution of getting her out of this mess. She can tell he feels responsible for activating her nanites in the first place.
In the end, Elizabeth is exhausted and tells him she indeed wants to sleep over it.
What does she tell Rodney the next morning?
* [[She accepts->9. Stasis]] on the condition that her stasis' duration is limited to max. one year.
* [[She declines->23. Asurans Track]] and asks for more time.
* She feels ready. [[She asks to use the Ascension Machine->Meditation Interlude]]
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Despite his plan to make a Replicator-free zone, Rodney talks nervously about death and being slaughtered if the Replicators manage to override the field—which is bound to happen at some point.
“Don't worry about it. You're not coming with us. Neither is Elizabeth,” John assures him. What with announcing their presence to the Replicators, it is too risky.
“I'm sorry, *what?*” Rodney’s disbelief grows as Sheppard explains his plan: Rodney will put the command on a tablet so that any layman (i.e. Sheppard) could upload it to the core.
Rodney starts to protest but is interrupted. “I need you to stay here, Rodney.”
“Why?!” It doesn't make sense; as a scientist, sending McKay is the most logical and efficient option.
“Rodney!” John sounds exasperated, Rodney just doesn’t get it.
Elizabeth cuts in, turning around to Rodney. "To keep an eye on me." Her calm voice contrasts with the storm brewing in Rodney. "You may need to activate the kill switch on the nanites. You'll be able to keep a closer eye on me if we both stay here in the Jumper.”
Oh. Rodney doesn’t have a reply to that. Guilt creeps in as he realises what is obvious to the others. John glares at him, clearly annoyed that Elizabeth had to spell it out for him. “... Alright.” Rodney awkwardly agrees. He shoos Ronon away from the cloak generator to complete the necessary adjustments.
(align:"=><=")[***]
With an uneasy feeling, the team launches their mission. Under normal circumstances, Elizabeth would never approve of this, let alone participate. But nothing is normal anymore. Nanites are keeping her brain running, and who knows if she will ever be able to lead a normal human life again. This gamble—pitting two terrifying enemies against each other—is worth the risk. Elizabeth remembers how helpless she felt the first time nanites were active in her brain. Using those same nanites to make the Asurans go after the Wraith seems like a good way of getting back at them.
The first part of the plan goes smoothly: Rodney extends the anti-Replicator field and Elizabeth guides the boys through the corridors with ease. Things get stressful when the core doesn’t recognise the plugged-in tablet. Elizabeth stiffens while Rodney is directing Sheppard to make necessary adjustments. With alarm, she feels the Replicators breach the field. They have to get out of there immediately!
“Oberoth is heading to the Core Room!” Her voice is tight, urgent. “He knows it's us.”
Rodney’s eyes widen. “How far is he? Can they make a run for it?”
“No! Replicators are approaching from every direction. They're trapped.”
Rodney’s stomach drops. “Which means they're as good as dead,” he points out, tactful as ever.
“We can hear you, you know.” John’s voice reminds him of their active radios.
“Wh-what? Uh, no, when I say "as good as dead," I mean it as more of a... Elizabeth! What are you doing?”
Elizabeth hears him shout in alarm as she sprints out of the Jumper. She knows what this means: The odds of making it back are very slim. But today, she has little to lose, and the team needs her. “Stay here!” she yells over her shoulder, hoping that Rodney won’t pursue her.
Despite her nerves, Elizabeth keeps her focus. Rodney will try to activate her kill switch, but she can’t risk that right now. She vaguely registers that John is hailing her via radio while she concentrates on deactivating Rodney’s kill switch. It is surprisingly easy. Far too easy. She was right to worry; even Rodney can’t keep the nanites in check.
She doesn’t have time to answer John calling her over radio; it doesn’t matter now, anyway. She intersects Oberoth on his way to her team, and, knowing instinctively that it will work, doesn't hesitate to put her hand into his forehead.
The direct connection hits her like a tidal wave. For a moment, she’s overwhelmed by the collective’s sheer force, but she regains her footing quickly. With the element of surprise on her side, Elizabeth freezes the Replicators just before they open fire on her people.
(align:"=><=")[***]
Oberoth is arrogant and mocking. He's not completely wrong—Elizabeth can’t hold this forever. But she doesn’t need forever. She just needs to buy time.
Oberoth's overconfidence gives her an idea—an obvious solution, really. She shifts her approach, exaggerating how taxing the fight is, feigning weakness. Oberoth’s smugness grows, his confidence blinding him to her trap.
Replicators trap humans in fake realities and memories, and Elizabeth figures turnabout is fair play. She simulates her defeat and watches joyfully as Oberoth is certain of his victory. She plays out the illusion for as long as possible, then enjoys how surprised Oberoth is at the end of it—he didn't suspect a thing.
She enjoys rubbing it in Oberoth's face that John and Ronon are escaping through the still-frozen Replicators.
Oberoth can also feel it. “You will not leave this city alive!” he shouts at her angrily.
But Elizabeth has already achieved what she came to do. “Maybe not—but my team will.”
However, she’s already exhausted and her strength is waning. She has played her ace, and knows Oberoth will overpower her eventually. He manages to grab her hand and, with effort, pulls it out of his head.
(align:"=><=")[***]
This is how John and Ronon find them as they race around the corner, A.R.G.s raised.
“Elizabeth,” she hears John from behind her.
She grits her teeth. Why the hell didn’t they go straight back to the Jumper? “Get to the Jumper!” She hopes to talk sense into John without turning her attention away from Oberoth. Ronon shoots an ineffective blast at the Asuran leader. “I can’t keep them frozen much longer!”
“We’re not leaving you behind!”
John is so stubborn about not leaving anyone behind, yet put his own life on the line on a regular basis. Doesn’t he get it? “If you don't leave right now, none of us will get out of here, so go.” Elizabeth risks turning her head slightly away from Oberoth. “That's an order!” she yells.
What happens next?
* The Replicators unfreeze, John can't stand leaving her behind in enemy hands. He sees no other way -> [[with a heavy heart, he aims to kill her->35. Shoot]]
* The Replicators unfreeze, John risks all three of their lives -> [[he rushes forward to drag Elizabeth back with them!->10. Win]]
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Rodney and John keep arguing, she thinks, but Elizabeth can't pay attention anymore. Something feels very wrong. Like Niam, she senses the change coming a few seconds in advance—a vague kind of shift in her consciousness. Alarmed, she grabs John next to her by the arm and immediately gets his concerned attention.
"Elizabeth? What is wrong? Rodney!"
The scientist is at his tablet and sees the problem. "The merge!" He drops his hands as he realises there is nothing he can do. It's already happening.
"Do something!" John demands.
Rodney replies, equally desperate, "There is nothing I *can* do! Her nanites will be integrated into the collective—it's too late."
Elizabeth isn't listening. She tries to fight it, to hold on to her sense of self, but feels with panic that her individuality quickly starts dissolving, along with any individual thoughts and feelings.
"Kill switch!" she shouts out her last order and sees Rodney's finger come down on his keyboard.
Dead end.
[[Play again?->1. Start]]
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This wasn't supposed to happen. This isn't happening.
Time slows down as John stares into Elizabeth's eyes. The truth hits him in the stomach, ice-cold and hard. She's right that he can't get her out of there, they'd never make it. And he can't disappoint her in this.
Leave no one behind...
It took a lot out of him to order the activation of the kill switch a moment ago. This is so much worse.
He can't fail her more than he already has today.
John points his gun. Not the anti-Replicator blaster, his acutal gun. John sees realisation in her eyes, and her tiny nod. He is surprised to suddenly flash back to the moment just before shooting Col. Summner all that time ago. A similar look in her eyes. It was the right thing to do then, just like it is the right thing now. Only much harder.
Elizabeth doesn't break eye contact as he fires.
Dead end
[[Start again?->1. Start]]
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As the Replicators unfreeze, John abadons all caution, rushing forward to drag Elizabeth back with them.
*What the hell do you think you're doing?* Elizabeth wants to yell at him, but there is no time to lose. Instead, she tackles the nearest Replicator to get its stunner.
Ronon draws his regular blaster—the A.R.G.s are useless now—and topples Oberoth over with a head shot. The blaster does a little damage and even John’s rifle slows them down somewhat.
The three of them sprint towards the staircase, Replicators closing in from all directions. Elizabeth knows they won't make it. They haven’t even reached the steps when the ground shakes violently.
(align:"=><=")[***]
In the meantime, Rodney has been juggling his own set of problems. When John and Ronon went after Elizabeth, he knew there would be trouble—even more trouble, that is. He also knows that if his they don’t make it, he has to leave without them. The survival of Atlantis depends on that ZPM.
But he won’t let it come to that. He's already connected the ZPM to the Jumper’s power source and has the Jumper in the air. The anti-Replicator weapons may not be effective anymore, but drones seem to work just fine. Determined, Rodney fires at Replicators on the rooftop.
*John makes is look so easy*, he thinks as the drones crash into the building. He's glad about his recent target practice on meteorites. Time to make a proper hit. Rodney glances at the windshield monitor showing the location of John’s and Ronon’s transmitters in the city. They are still on the move, good.
“Colonel Sheppard, I will blast a hole in the wall near your location,” he announces over the radio.
“What?” the Colonel’s surprised voice crackles through amidst the gunfire. “Good idea, Rodney. Don’t miss!”
“You don’t say!” Rodney mutters as he steers the Jumper’s drones into the wall. It smashes through, clearing a path. This is Sheppard’s job he is doing, so the Colonel has no right to complain. He proudly manages to whiz a second drone past his people to detonate behind them, blocking the Replicators' way and buying precious seconds for their escape.
The rear hatch is still open, so now Rodney does his best to “park” so his team can jump in. “McKay!” John complains, “you’re so far off! Lower!”
Barricaded behind a chunk of rubble, John and Ronon fire relentlessly at the Replicators. Ronon’s attention turns toward Elizabeth when her breath hitches. She is crouching next to John, with her eyes closed and her brow furrowed in exhaustion or pain, he can't tell.
With panic, Elizabeth feels her control over her nanites slip away. The collective is initiating a merge. She gasps, then everything goes black.
(align:"=><=")[***]
“What was that?” John shouts as Ronon switches his blaster back to kill mode after stunning Elizabeth.
“They were taking her over,” is the short reply. The last thing they need now is a brainwashed Elizabeth. John doesn’t ponder on it. One thing at a time.
“Rodney! About now would be a good time!” He’s getting nervous as Replicator fire eats away at their makeshift protection.
And indeed, Rodney finally manages to get the Jumper’s rear within an acceptable distance. John blindly jumps, then tumbles onto the floor of the Jumper. Ronon carrying Elizabeth follows closely behind and sprins his ankle upon impact.
"Hold on!" Rodney speeds off without waiting for the hatch to close. John clings to one of the seats and crawls toward the pilot's chair. Rodney throws a worried glance at unconscious Elizabeth but doesn’t comment. Not yet.
A few Replicators still make the jump and manage to cling to the Jumper, but John is quick to shake them off with a few stomach-churning twists and turns. Rodney realises that Asuran Jumpers joined them in the air as Sheppard continues his evasion manoeuvrers.
"Rodney, we need to get out of here!" John yells in a tense voice.
“Buckle up!” Rodney warns unnecessarily. “Opening Hyperspace—*now!*”
[[Continue->7. Hyperspace after fight]]
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John's voice interrupts her reading. “Everybody keeps going on about how dangerous this is. But seriously, *McKay* nearly ascended with that thing.”
Elizabeth looks up from her tablet. “So?”
“So, obviously, you’re gonna rock it,” John states matter-of-factly. Amused, she raises her eyebrow. “I’m not sure one can 'rock' Ascension, John.”
“I’m sure you will,” he replies simply.
“Thank you. For supporting me in this.”
“It’s what you want and…. I get it, kind of.” John's voice is reluctant. “Not that I'd ever consider meditation a solution to anything,” Elizabeth rolls her eyes, “but I know you’ve always had a thing for this kind of work.”
It's only a few hours before the procedure, and Elizabeth finds herself both nervous and excited.
(align:"=><=")[***]
In the following days, Teyla is supportive and present, meditating and talking with her. John still stubbornly denies that he learned anything during his time with ascending Lanteans but he tries to be supportive. Ronon doesn’t say much but respects her decision. He comes to thank her for everything, and it already feels like goodbye.
Rodney, on the other hand, behaves as usual, which is both comforting and annoying. He approaches Elizabeth at dinner the day she gets zapped by the machine. “Hey, Elizabeth. As soon as you get a deeper understanding of the laws of nature and genius ideas in the fields of engineering and—“
“Rodney,” she raises her hand, “I’m not an engineer.”
“…yet!” he persists. “Who knows what kind of effect this machine might have on your intellect? After all, we’ve only ever tested it on me.”
She sighs. “Yes Rodney. If I do suddenly develop a deep understanding of Ancient technology, you will be the first to know.”
(align:"=><=")[***]
She spends most of her time reading the Ancient database, picking up speed by the hour, and needing less and less sleep. She indulges in learning one or two more languages but soon decides that her remaining time is better spent differently.
She even convinces John to join in for a few meditation sessions and guide her with what little he remembers from his time in the Sanctuary. (Seriously, was he snoozing through mediation for six months?) Still, she finds her mind becoming somewhat more equanimous, and her focus shifts. Instead of putting so much importance on the "clouds" of thoughts and feelings, she can now rest her awareness in the clear "sky" more effortlessly.
It's tempting to check her EEG like Rodney did, but she knows that's not the point. Ascension is not an EEG threshold, it's a spiritual experience.
Then, surprisingly, she develops the ATA gene. Carson hardly blinks an eye, shrugging it off as just another minor change in her DNA. Elizabeth, however, notices that Atlantis' technology is far more straightforward and intuitive to her. She even has a few discussions with Rodney, which end up being a strange mix of him mansplaining and her getting random solution ideas for problems he's shared with her.
Rodney wants the IAO to give her clearance for his lab and ongoing projects, Elizabeth is secretly glad when it doesn't go through. Though to contribute to research may be tempting, it's not why she went through that machine.
(align:"=><=")[***]
Worry finally sets in when she feels her body getting weaker, fading away.
What was she thinking? That she can just unlearn a lifetime of mental habits in the course of a few weeks and die in peace?
"I can't let go," she admits to John one evening when he drops by the infirmary with dinner. They usually eat in silence, but this time, he's glad she broke it. For once in these past days, he knows what to say.
"I'm not surprised. You always worry too much. You feel responsible for everyone."
"Because I care."
"Yes. You care. Believe me, Elizabeth, we all know. Even before you sacrificed yourself for the city. And that doesn't have to change. Letting go doesn't mean you no longer care."
She pauses, letting his words sink in. Her sense of responsibility has always been her way of caring, including as many people as possible in her field of responsibility. But it is possible to feel connection and love without that kind of stress and burden.
"You are right John," she says softly. "For this to work, though, I need…" she hesitates, then continues, "It is time for you to let me go, too."
In the long silence that follows, Elizabeth thinks he won't respond. When he does, he mumbles into his food. "I know."
(align:"=><=")[***]
The conversation with John makes her think and she brings it up after one of her meditation seesion with Teyla.
"He's right that I feel responsible for everything. I realize it is how I act out my compassion. And sure, I can cultivate compassion without physically being there for everyone. But..."
"But?" Teyla gently promts.
"The Ancients have a policy of non-interference. So, what am I achieving all this for? For whom, if I cannot share this accomplishment with anyone? Be of benefit with my knew abilities?”
Teyla takes a moment, her expression thoughtful. “From what you've told me, Ascension is only the beginning," she echoes the Elizabeth's words from a few days earlier. "Who knows what benefits it will bring in the long run? Or what other beings and ways of helping therea are on this new plane of existence?”
Then, with a small smile, she adds, “Besides, Elizabeth, maybe this time... this is something you have to do for yourself.“
(align:"=><=")[***]
When Carson calls the team to the infirmary his face is serious and his voice heavy. It is time.
Elizabeth greets them with a warm smile as the group gathers around her bed. Her voice is steady. "Even if this works... I won't be able to visit." Whatever happens next, this is goodbye.
"I wish we could have done more for you," John says, sadness in his eyes.
She shakes her head gently. "You've done everything."
"Best of luck to you, love," Carson's voice is thick.
Teyla steps closer, her eyes wet but her tone warm and strong. "I am happy for you, Elizabeth, and proud. There is no doubt you will join the Ancestors and become a valuable member."
"Yes, off to new adventures. You can finally get all our questions answered," Rodney hopes he sounds encouraging, not jealous.
"It was an honor," Ronon says simply.
Elizabeth looks at each of them, her eyes full of gratitude. Then, as she closes them, John starts to panic that he will lose his opportunity.
"Thank you Elizabeth, for everything. And don't worry about us. We’re all grown up, you know. Go enjoy floating through space and meditate on the nature of the universe, or whatever it is the Ascended do all day."
Elizabeth gives a soft laugh, and this last sound echos in John's mind.
A few calm breaths.
In.
Out.
In...
John holds his own breath.
The next thing he knows, he has to close his eyes as Elizabeth, the bed, and the whole room disappear into warm, intensely bright white light.
He smiles and lets his tears fall.
The end.
[[Play again?->1. Start]]
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Rodney accepts her decision without complaint, and so, the waiting continues. They set up a proper force-field and EMG around her room which makes Elizabeth feel at least a little safer.
(align:"=><=")[***]
After a few more weeks, Col. Carter and John come to visit.
"It is good to see you two. It's been a while," Elizabeth greets her visitors, trying not to sound accusatory.
"I am sorry, Elizabeth," John shakes his head, "Things around here have been a little crazy."
Carter nods and makes a face, and Elizabeth decides she's glad she missed this particular craziness. Her world has become much smaller living in her little room, but at least it's calm and lacking the usual Pegasus catastrophes.
"I want to discuss an idea with you," Carter starts. "As I'm sure you know, Rodney is less and less optimistic about finding a quick and secure solution for your nanites. Research could take months, years even."
Elizabeth crosses her arms and furrows her brow. "Yes, I'm aware. Personally, I don't like the risk that puts Atlantis in."
"Me neither."
John jumps in, "Which is why the science team suggested moving you off-world."
That would entail a lot of work, Elizabeth thinks, but sounds like a very good idea.
"We started looking for a planet suitable for an external base with a replicator-secure area," John continues explaining. "They can set up interference signals, force fields—whatever Rodney and Col. Carter think is sufficient."
"We also want to use that base for research," Carter adds. John frowns at that, looking cross for some reason. "Rodney and his team have been working on weaponizing the anti-replicator force field. Having you at that nanite research facility could be invaluable for simulations and observing how nanites react to different code."
Elizabeth raises her eyebrows.
"Wait up, that was never part of the idea!" John turns to Carter, and Elizabeth has the impression they've been arguing about this before. "The research facility was going to be a separate thing from the base for Elizabeth. No one said anything about her becoming their guinea pig!"
Carter raised her hands placatingly, looking from John to Elizabeth. "Trust me, that's not what this is going to be. I know how it sounds, Elizabeth. But-"
"It's a good idea," Elizabeth interrupts. "And if there is any way I can help, I'll take it."
(align:"=><=")[***]
The possibility of an external science base stays on Elizabeth's mind the next day. It is a good way of keeping Atlantis' location secure. And if she can contribute in any way to nanite research... even if Rodney doesn't find a way to help her, it is a good way to spend her time.
Elizabeth suddenly stills as something in the back of her mind stirs. It feels... familiar. Like a hint of the feeling when she was connected with the collective on Asuras.
It is brief and faint, gone in a second, but Elizabeth knows she hasn't imagined it.
She has to act quickly.
She calls the radio in a tense voice. "Rodney, a replicator just made contact with my nanites. Yes, of course, I am sure! Get here immediately!"
She paces up and down until Rodney rushes into her room, computer at the ready.
She paces up and down as he connects to her nanites and starts looking for anything conspicuous.
She stops pacing as John storms in with bad news. She sits on the bed and lets her head fall into her hands as she learns that the long-range sensors picked up a Replicator ship on its way to Atlantis.
They tracked her.
"How did this happen?" John starts pacing in her stead. "Rodney?"
"What?" The irritation is evident in Rodney's voice.
"Didn't you say you could stop them from connecting with Elizabeth? What happened?"
"I don't know, okay? Obviously, I was wrong, wasn't I?"
"Well, do something!"
"I am working as fast as I can!"
[[Continue->6. Merge and Death]]
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//(align:"=><=")[ Not quite a year later]//
Elizabeth feels weak, blinking several times until her vision is clear.
First, she can make out John standing in front of her, grinning. Then, behind him, vague figures gradually become Jennifer Keller, Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon.
“Hey, sleepy-head.” John catches her as she stumbles out of the stasis pod. He gestures to the stretcher Keller brought, but Elizabeth shakes her head and rights herself. Her head is getting clearer by the second.
“How are you feeling, Elizabeth? You seem to be recovering remarkably quickly—the nanites are probably helping with the waking process,” Jennifer comments.
Ah yes, those insidious killing machines inside her brain. “I'm fine. The nanites, are they—“ she looks to Rodney. They must be still there, so she doesn’t finish her question. But why did they wake her up? The year must have passed, she can’t allow herself to hope for anything else.
“Still there, obviously,” Rodney confirms, then raises one finger. “But not for much longer! Not only have we made significant advancements in understanding and manipulating the nanites' programming. The communication between nanites across subspace—"
It looks like Rodney is about to go into a lecture, so Ronon decides to jump in, “They will heal you and shut down the nanites."
“You will?” Elizabeth stares wide-eyed. Now, she does sit down on the stretcher.
"Yes, as I was about to explain," Rodney continues, throwing a sour glance at Ronon, "we found a way to program nanites to build organic replacement cells instead of taking over their functions. After that, there will be no danger in shutting them down for good."
Elizabeth falls into a stunned silence.
“With some help and a lot of work, Rodney and his team made great progress these past few months,” Teyla speaks up, smiling at her. "They are confident that with some help from... an ally of us, we will be able to build an effective weapon to end the Replicator threat once and for all."
What a relief to hear.
Keller interrupts with a stern reminder for a proper check-up before they start the healing procedure and John volunteers to take Elizabeth to the infirmary. The rest tactfully decides to linger a few steps behind them.
Elizabeth is wondering what future will await her on Atlantis when John starts speaking, "Sam Carter did a great job as head of Atlantis, you know." Unprepared for where he steered the conversation, Elizabeth looks at him surprised and even finds a little jealousy flare inside her. Then she chides herself. She should be nothing but grateful for what Carter did for the city. The woman is a qualified leader, a skilled scientist, and, perhaps most importantly, a compassionate person.
"I am glad to hear you say so... The Colonel is in a difficult position."
She sees him grinning with affection. "Yes. But she's not you, you know."
Elizabeth returns a warm smile, then pulls a face. "Well, with the Wraith and the Replicator threat, it was just a matter of time for the IOA to appoint military leadership."
“Oh, I’ve heard rumours, actually."
"Rumours?"
"This year we’ve had some major accomplishments—now that the Wraith are mainly fighting among themselves and an effective Replicator weapon is on its way, it seems the IOA is thinking about returning civilian leadership to Atlantis.” John winks at her.
Elizabeth laughs. “Is that so?”
She’s far from even being cleared for duty, but already, a warm and safe feeling of coming home is settling in her stomach.
The end.
[[Play again?->1. Start]]
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Wide-eyed, Rodney looks at his teammates. He imagines he looks similar, immensely relieved and frankly incredulous after their improbable escape.
The moment passes quickly. John breathes out and tightens his grip on the controls. Rodney begins to rambles anxiously while typing on his computer, checking on Elizabeth's nanites. Ronon fidgets with his blaster in silence.
Eventually, Rodney relaxes a little. Apparently, the merge wasn't completed, and the jump into Hyperspace severed the connection. John allows himself a slow and content exhale as some of the tension leaves his body. Safe—for now.
(align:"=><=")[***]
Elizabeth slowly comes to, blinking against the Jumper's lights. Her memories return in a flash, and she bolts upright despite her headache. Slowly, she registers that she is in the Jumper, in Hyperspace. She looks around, taking in the grinning team. Relief is fleeting—she needs to get something off her chest. "What the hell were you thinking, risking your lives like that? Irresponsible doesn’t even begin to cover it!” She glares at John.
"I was thinking we'd get you out of there. And we did, didn't we?" John replies, flashing his trademark smile.
"Sure did," Ronon answeres instead of her, "but we got lucky."
"Luck and my unparalleled skills in the Jumper, I might add," Rodney points out.
"Yes, McKay, you were very heroic." John rolls his eyes. "Rodney blasted a whole in the side of the tower so we could board the Jumper directly," he explains to Elizabeth. It is obvious to her that the term "board" is an euphemism and marvels at how they got away without any broken bones.
"How are you feeling?" John asks.
“I don’t feel the nanites anymore,” Elisabeth answers, unsettled. Replicators have changed nanite’s programming before. What if they planted some kind of a virus or tracker? "Which means I don't feel what they're doing..."
"That's because they're doing absolutely nothing," Rodney assures her, "other than keeping your brain alive, that is. I promise, they can't take you over. Before activating your nanites, I made sure to repeatedly go over the programming– "
"You can't guarantee it's safe," Elisabeth interrupts Rodney. He doesn't hear anger or even any other emotion in her voice, it's just a statement.
(align:"=><=")[***]
Back in Atlantis, Elizabeth is under guard in the makeshift-operating-theater-made-quarantine room until things calm down and proper decisions can be made. If it's up to her, she won't leave this room anytime soon... or ever. She just hopes the Replicators really are unable to track her.
John manages to get the city to a new planet, and she feels the not-so-soft landing rock her room. She's still glad Rodney takes the time to come by and inform her the ZPM is operational and the city is safe. “Out of the woods,” he says, offering a rare note of optimism before he dissapears with promises of returning soon.
The greatest danger is over. Now, the biggest risk to Atlantis is Elisabeth herself.
She would be angry at Rodney, she muses, if not for the successful heist. Obviously, he didn't know how essential her nanites would be when he reactivated them. But now she felt grateful despite herself. Whatever risks the nanites posed, they had not just saved her life, but also Atlantis.
(align:"=><=")[***]
Rodney doesn't return that day, probably caught up in settling in on their new planet. John, although he must have his hands just as full, comes in the evening.
"You didn't say much on our way back," he begins awkwardly. "I just wanted to check if you're okay."
Elizabeth does't answer for a short while. "Physically, I am fine."
"You know," John starts, "when Rodney and Keller reactivated your nanites, I told them to get an EMG. I didn't think you'd want to live like that."
"You were right, John," Elizabeth says softly. "And yet, after I was compromised, you couldn't follow through. You had the ZPM. You should have just left me."
"I couldn't! And you are not compromised!"
There was a short silence.
"Rodney says there is no way your nanites can contact the others." John's continues, but his voice betrays his uncertainty. "Rodney won't take any risks. He'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe."
Elizabeth sighs, lowering her head into her hands for a moment. "Don't get me wrong. In the end, I am glad to be here and not on Asuras...but I don’t know if it’s worth the risk."
John nods, sensing the conversation is over. “Get some rest,” he says, leaving her to her thoughts.
Now that the immediate danger is over, is keeping her nanites active really worth the risk?
(align:"=><=")[***]
When John walks into the lab, Rodney is typing away at his laptop with a grim expression. He looks about as tired as John feels. He just stands there and watches his friend for a moment.
"What?" Rodney doesn't look away from his screen, doesn't falter in his typing rhythm.
John knows not to take Rodney's tone personally. "So, the Replicators haven't shown up, the city's landed safely, and we have air to breathe."
Rodney frowns. "Are you trying to be positive? Because it's not working for me and I'd rather be working on the moutain of problems that need my attention, like getting all our systems back online, reestablishing contact with Earth, coordinating the innumerable repairs, the nanite code, the—"
"Rodney," John interrupts, "I'm not in any type of mood to be able to cheer you up. I'm here to tell you that because the immediate threat by hostile aliens is over, there is no reason why I should be leading this city. You are next ranking civilian after Elizabeth—"
"Excuse me?!" Rodney's back straightens in an instant, his head now snapping sideways to look at John. He seems at a loss for words for a short moment, then blurts, "I don't have time for this."
John scratches the back of his head. "Maybe you can appoint Zelenka as provisional Head of Department." He sees Rodney open his mouth to complain in length about how nobody else would possibly be competent enough for his job and quickly continues, "or you can ask Teyla to run the city for you for now. But until we can report back to Earth you should be leader of this expedition, Rodney. At least officially."
"Fine. Okay, then." Without further comment, Rodney returns to his work. "Hm. Teyla, yes, good idea. Could you," he waves his hand into John's general direction, "relay affairs to her? I’ll update her when there’s something worth reporting here."
"Sure," John turns to leave.
"Oh, and John?" Rodney looks up at him, a hint of a smile on his face. "Thanks."
[[Continue->4. Quarantine]]
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Find a position that is comfortable for you, keeping your spine straight.
Become aware of your breaths. Going in....
and out of your body.
In, and out.
Now, think about the things that you worry about the most. Think of anything that makes you anxious.
There is a dark storm swirling around in your head.
Then, the sky is slowly clearing.
All your troubles are fading away.
Into the bright blue sky.
No matter how much clouds darken the sky, it is always there, untouched, immutable.
This is you. Your nature.
When clouds arise, let them come.
Let them be.
You don't have to do anything about them.
You don't have to pay attention to what they are thinking.
Just stay aware and present.
[[Continue->22. Ac Machine]]
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